Last Saturday.

Last Saturday I faced one of my greatest fears. Last Saturday I thought I might lose my best friend, my husband.

To say it was scary would be an understatement. It's no secret that Chance and I have been through our share of 'rough patches,' and I have spent many hours wondering what my life would be like with out Chance. But there was a finality in my fears that night. It was paralyzing.

We were eating dinner on a rare night out. Having a great time- I was thanking God for those moments. Chance told me he wasn't feeling right. We'd been passing a nasty cold around at our house; so at first I thought that maybe he was starting to feel bad again. Then he bit his tongue, hard and started getting really hot. He was instantly drenched in sweat.. He stood up and then he fell.
Words like heart attack, stroke and seizures were swimming in my head. Just moments before I was thanking God for the night we were having and in a heartbeat my prayers switched to begging the Lord to give us more time.

When the paramedics arrived his blood pressure was 76/42. We were transported by ambulance to a local hospital, where we spent the next 2 nights. After a chest x-ray, many panels of blood work, 2 EKG's, a cat scan, a 2D echo of his throat and heart, a full stroke assessment, and an MRI the final diagnosis was that he had what is known as a vagal response. Which caused his blood vessels to open up {making him feel disoriented} and when he stood up from his seat his body was unable to fight the gravitational pull on his blood. All this to say that his brain was deprived of oxygen and he lost consciousness.
Odds are that this was a one time ordeal and it will never happen again. I pray that this is the case.

That night reminded me that nothing is guaranteed. My next breath could very well be my last. I want to know that I have lived not only the length of my life-- but also the width of it.