April 30, 2012


photo credit: Jessica Turner

This past weekend is quickly climbing the chart of the best weekends of 2012. I wasn't sure at first how it would go, but so glad I made the leap to attend the (in)RL conference in Nashville with a sweet friend. 
I was so nice to get to visit with Maria on the way to Nashville. It's been too long since we talked at length about life. There are few friends in my life who truly celebrate this season of life with me. So thankful to have them. Hanging with Maria was a no-brainer. Stepping out of my comfort zone and walking into a room full of 40+ women- another issue entirely.
Like I said in this post I've got some scars. I still struggle with community, with reaching out and opening up to people. I'm often mistaken for a 'snob' because it is so hard for me to talk to people.. the truth- I'm painfully shy. I petrified of rejection. So this weekend I was nervous. OK let's be honest. Y'all- I was down right scared.

Broken hearts, they break easy. But He has the power to heal.

Jessica, Angie, and Annie hosted at Cross Point. And it was wonderful. So many sweet women, breathtaking videos and wonderful community. And my word, who ever brought that puppy chow- it was off the charts. I got to chat for a minute with Angie. And let me tell you, she's even prettier and sweeter in person. I may or may not have cried.  I wonder if anyone else cried when they met her for the first time? Hmph.
This weekend was so much more than watching videos and eating good food. For me- it was taking a few of those bricks away from the wall surrounding my heart. I love how Holley said in one of the videos that (paraphrasing here) she had built a wall around herself and then wondered why she was the only on in there. She took the words right out of my mouth. I have long struggled with making friends, because it is so difficult for me to let people in. But I'm seeing progress. He is working on my heart, and I am happier for it. 

To the ladies that were so sweet to me on Saturday, thank you. (That's you Nicole, Sarah, Tonya, and April. Y'all were the best table-mates a girl could ask for.)

Sweet friends, if you are struggling to mend the shattered pieces of your heart all by yourself- it is my prayer for you that you gain the courage to reach out. And that the Great Physician will heal you. Because, after all, He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

April 25, 2012

Denim Day 2012

Few people in my life know that I am a survivor of sexual violence. There- I said it.
I don't talk about it very often. Partly because I don't like to re-visit that time of my life; and partly because I don't feel like it defines me. I've been very blessed in my life to have been surrounded by a few very supportive people who I owe much of my sanity to. These people have shown me the kind of understanding that can only come from Him, and have loved me well. I can honestly say that I have been very lucky to have 'overcome' that period of time. Sure- there are times when I think about it; but I have closure.

Closure is something that I pray all victims of sexual violence attain some day. Sadly, I know first hand that many victims never see the light at the end of that very long and dark tunnel. So, naturally, raising awareness for sexual violence prevention is a cause near and dear to my heart. Wednesday, April 25th, is the 13th Annual Denim Day in LA. Denim Day is a sexual violence prevention and education campaign to increase awareness about sexual violence, prevention and available resources for sexual violence survivors.

April 3, 2012

We have a choice.

I have shared very little about my life before I became an adult. Mainly because it's just not something I usually talk about. A good portion of my childhood was, for all intents and purposes, happy. There were some difficult times. But there were some dark times as well. Very dark.

A child's upbringing has a huge impact on the person they grow to be; but I do not believe it to be the deciding factor. I believe that as an adult, the damaged child has a unique opportunity. Simply put:
We have a choice.

That realization was both terrifying and thrilling for me. For once I had the upper hand, the ball was in my court. Yet for several years I was emotionally paralyzed. I was so afraid to make the wrong choice; to take the wrong path. {and believe me- I traveled it a time or two.} I was 14 when I fully understood that my life was my responsibility. It was up to me to be successful, happy, & healthy. That was the scary part. But I was so gratified in that knowledge. In my short 14 years I had seen so much chaos, and I was now able to walk away from it. I didn't have to live like that anymore. I could step out of the shadows, figuratively speaking.

That is when my faith got real. I clung to Isaiah 41:13..

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Y'all, that is powerful stuff.  He was there, holding my hand. But most importantly- I wasn't alone. Ever.

Friend, if you are going through a season in your life where there is more darkness than light, it is my prayer for you that you gain a very real understanding of Isaiah 41:13. Because He is holding your right hand and you do not have to fear.