We have a choice.

I have shared very little about my life before I became an adult. Mainly because it's just not something I usually talk about. A good portion of my childhood was, for all intents and purposes, happy. There were some difficult times. But there were some dark times as well. Very dark.

{via}

A child's upbringing has a huge impact on the person they grow to be; but I do not believe it to be the deciding factor. I believe that as an adult, the damaged child has a unique opportunity. Simply put:

We have a choice.

That realization was both terrifying and thrilling for me. For once I had the upper hand, the ball was in my court. Yet for several years I was emotionally paralyzed. I was so afraid to make the wrong choice; to take the wrong path. {and believe me- I traveled it a time or two.} I was 14 when I fully understood that my life was my responsibility. It was up to me to be successful, happy, & healthy. That was the scary part. But I was so gratified in that knowledge. In my short 14 years I had seen so much chaos, and I was now able to walk away from it. I didn't have to live like that anymore. I could step out of the shadows, figuratively speaking.

That is when my faith got real. I clung to Isaiah 41:13..


For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Y'all, that is powerful stuff.  He was there, holding my hand. But most importantly- I wasn't alone. Ever.

Friend, if you are going through a season in your life where there is more darkness than light, it is my prayer for you that you gain a very real understanding of Isaiah 41:13. Because He is holding your right hand and you do not have to fear.

Things I want to teach Olivia.

{sorry about the way old picture, but it's still one of my favorites.}

That she MATTERS.

The only real rewards in life are intrinsic.

To be grateful.

To do unto others...

Happiness is a choice.

I love her- NO MATTER WHAT.

All feelings are ok.

I'm worthy of her trust.

Mistakes are ok.

If at first you don't succeed...

Saying no is ok.

To be kind.

Many thanks to this inspiring blog for this list.

Read the post on intentional parenting here. Ah-may-zing.

The best feelings in the world.

The best feelings in the world, in no certain order.

• Smelling Chance's cologne in the bathroom after he leaves for the day. It's like another good-bye hug!
• Sweet hugs from Olivia.
• Smiling
• Sleeping in
• Cuddling and watching movies with Chance.
• Cuddling and watching a show with Olivia.
• Finishing a good book.
• The relief after a good cry.
• The smell of freshly cut grass.
• Christmas morning.
• Goosebumps when you're listening to your favorite praise and worship song. {Mine is 'Redeemer' - gets me every time.}
• Watching Olivia learn/do something new.
• Rocking Olivia to sleep.
• Sleeping babies on my chest.
• Knowing you've made someone's day better.
• Making a stranger smile.
• When little old ladies call you "Sugar" - that may be a southern thing.
• Watching my baby become a little girl.
• That feeling you get after you've been on a really long drive and pull into your driveway.
• Warm sun rays on your skin.

I'm sure I'm leaving TONS out, so we'll just leave this post as a To Be Continued....

A Day at the Zoo

Birthdays are a big deal around our house.
They're a day completely dedicated to celebrating our girl.

So after a girls day, a birthday dinner and a birthday party naturally- we had to go to the zoo.
It's about a 3.5 hour drive for us so we left bright and early at 6:30, Chance was tickled pink.
Olivia was fantastic on the drive and we finally arrived in St. Louis around 10.

You may remember {or maybe not} we decided last year that a trip to the zoo would be a birthday tradition.
Chance and I both love the zoo, and as luck would have it- so does Olivia.

 Olivia and Chance visiting the giraffes, ostrich, and antelope.

A sweet story about the picture above. Olivia said "Mommy look, ostrich! Like a bush... where's Diego?" Translation: Olivia saw an ostrich, she remembered the episode of Diego featuring an ostrich and that they lay on the ground and cover their heads to look like a bush to protect their eggs, and she wanted to know where Diego was. That girl, she makes me smile.

Olivia really enjoyed the monkeys, zebras & giraffes and got to pet a guinea pig and a goat. She thought the peacock was really pretty. He was obviously very proud of himself. He stayed like this for probably 10 minutes, turning from side to side showing off his pretty feathers.

We rode the train and the carousel, Liv loved both! She wanted to ride the zebra or the giraffe on the carousel, but two particularly pushy eager 12 year olds got there just before we did. Olivia was disappointed and asked why she couldn't ride 'her' zebra. I explained to Olivia that the zebra belonged to the zoo and that those girls must have really wanted to ride it since they nearly knocked us over in their mad dash for it were so excited to get to it. That seemed to appease Olivia, the teeny boppers on the other hand received a quick glance and I assure you they were pickin' up what I was puttin' down. 

Another tradition we decided to carry over from last year was the Build-a-Bear strategically placed smack dab in the middle of the zoo. Those retailers- they know how to get you. Olivia chose the giraffe to stuff, and even pushed the pedal to fill her up. We named her Ginny and they've been inseparable ever since. It's really precious. Ginny is the first item Olivia has ever been really attached too. 

Another sweet story:

At lunch, Chance was discussing with Olivia what her options where for lunch. He sweetly read and re-read the entire kid's menu to her and asked her what she might like to eat. She chose 'chicken, gwapes, and twees' (chicken nuggets, grapes and broccoli.) 

We stayed until the zoo was closing. I'm so thankful that I remembered to get a picture of the 3 of us before we left. We were all so tired.

Olivia had a blast, and was so well behaved. There were ZERO meltdowns. I was so proud of her.

It was a fun day for the 3 of us, surrounded by people who love Olivia and want to be a part of every little thing she does. I feel so blessed to have such a support system. 

We can't wait to go back this summer!

730 days..

63,072,000 seconds..
1,051,200 minutes..
17,520 hours..
104 weeks ago my world changed.
In an instant my view of the world shifted.


It's difficult for me, sometimes, the realization that it was only 2 years ago that she joined our family. I can't remember a time when we didn't love her.


This week we celebrate her.

Wordy Wednesday.. on a Thursday.

The view from here.

I'm declaring today a day of rest.

Much needed around here. As you may have {or maybe not?} I went back to work last week.

And boy, I forgot how tiring my job was.

I am exhausted.

Olivia rested much better last night.

I think we may have broken the fever for good.

It spiked to 104.1 Sunday and Monday {working on a post for that, coming soon}

So for now, this is where I can be found.

In my bed,

with Olivia,

resting.

P.S.

I'm going to try {yet again} to complete those precious photo-a-day challenge this month.

I'm sure everyone's seen the one I'll be following.

I plan to do a weekly post, on Sunday's maybe?

I really think these are a great way to document the everyday. Sure, I take tons of pictures of Olivia, but following these prompts helps me to capture the world around us right now.

P.S.S.

Speaking of documenting life.

Thanks to a handy Shutterfly coupon I finally finished a little photo book with some of my Project Life 2011 photos.

I didn't use all of them, I wanted something small that I could carry with me.

I think I'm going to make one for Olivia.

She's really enjoying looking at pictures now, and she loves books.

Click here to look at the entire book.

A Child's 10 Commandments to Parents.

When I first became a mother I had an image in my heart and mind of what kind of mother I would be.
To say that I have lived up to that image for the past 680 days would be a falsehood. If, on March 22, 2010, you had asked me if I would ever be guilty of hastily snapping at Olivia- I would have said never. If you had said that I would question myself, and my patience with Olivia- I would have told you that you were mistaken.
Sadly, I am guilty of both and more. A fact that I am not proud of, but a truth of my life. I pray every moment of every day that God give me the patience, grace and wisdom to parent Olivia.
When I found the Child's 10 Commandments for Parents it was just what I needed to read that day.
I think sometimes we get bogged down with the day to day and lose sight of the ultimate goal of parenting. That is, to raise Godly children. Sometimes when I'm having a particularly difficult day, I'll read through this list. Some days I only have to read a few before the conviction strikes and I'm reminded of my purpose. Some days I read the list 10 times.

1. My hands are small; please don’t expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture, or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.
2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely: don’t restrict me unnecessarily.
3. Housework will always be there. I’m only little such a short time—please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.
4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs; don’t nag me all day long. (You wouldn’t want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.
5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by, and disciplining me in a loving manner.
6. I need your encouragement, but not your praise, to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.
7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I’ll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.
8. Please don’t do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn’t quite measure up to your expectations. I know it’s hard, but please don’t try to compare me with my brother or my sister.
9. Please don’t be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it’s a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.
10. Please take me to Sunday school and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God.

Tired.

I.am.so.tired.

Going back to work has left me with little energy;

and whatever energy I was able to summon was gone the minute I stepped through the front door.

Olivia has been fighting off a cold {I think} for about a week now. She developed a fever last night while she was staying the night with my mom.

I called Chance on my way home and I could hear that sweet girl crying for me in the background.

That, for me, is the most heartbreaking thing about going back to work.

I so enjoyed my time at home with her {and truly have enjoyed being back at work}

but when I hear her cry for me, it's so hard to remember all the reasons I went back to work to begin with.

So that's where I am.

Stuck between utter exhaustion

and heartbreak.

Searching for a happy medium for everyone.

A Few of my Favorite Things - Valentine Edition

These precious little mail boxes.

Sweet little owls.

This is how much I love you..

Valentine Play Date