July 12, 2012

letting go.

Y'all. I'm a hot mess.
This post may be a bit of a ramble, and if it is - I'm sorry; I've just got to get all these words out of my head.

Olivia starts day care on Friday.
No big deal right? Wrong.
Olivia has never been cared for by any one but me, her daddy, a grandparent or the church nursery.
My palms are getting sweaty.

Here are my worries. In list form because lists make type A people happy, and I can't form coherent thoughts, much less sentences.
  • My Olivia, she's a delicate thing with a sensitive heart. How can I be sure that her teachers and class-mates will be sweet to her?
  • Weighing in at a whopping 24lbs. at 28 months- she's TINY. Like, can still wear dresses that are size 9 months, tiny. She barely weighs enough to sit in a front-facing car seat. These 'normal' kids are going to trample her. 
  • She's an only child. What if she's the bully?
  • Olivia has recurring fevers, that require close monitoring of her body temperature and swift action in the event of a fever. Will they monitor her fevers the way we do?
  • We just learned that she has a milk intolerance; and the child seriously loves milk. Will they make sure she doesn't drink milk? (a post on that soon)
  • Is she ready for this? Am I?
 I should add that this facility came with a glowing recommendation from a good friend who I trust completely. Also, during our visit to the facility Olivia played well and seemed to have a perfectly lovely time; she loved the teachers. I'm clearly not sending my child to the wolves. I know that. But in her 2 years, she's had some hard times. And I've held very close because of that. I've been what one might call over-protective. I'm not ashamed of that fact, and I never will be. Olivia is an articulate, funny and compassionate child. But my momma-heart can't help but worry.
My stomach is in knots. I keep praying and trying to give it over to God. I keep reminding myself to have open hands. After all she's not mine, she's His. And He loves her far more and far better than I could ever hope to. But, goodness is that ever hard to do. I just finished my second devotional study with the She Reads Truth ladies. This study was called Living the Surrendered Life. I'm trying so hard to surrender my fears for Olivia's safety and health.


  1. My little one is 27 months. Her name is Ella. She only weighs 25 lbs. So she's a peanut too. =) She is also an only child. She has however, gone to daycare since 7 weeks old. I hope I can help ease some of the fears...

    The teachers ALWAYS look out for the new kids and try to give them extra attention. And the kids that are bigger than her will 9 times out of 10 "baby" her. My daughter is in a class with other 2's and 3's (the potty training class) and she is the littlest. They all protect her and watch over her.

    As an only child, it has helped my daughter learn to share, and gives her the interaction she needs.

    Daycares are super conscious of allergies and even special requests from parents. We pack Ella's lunch and ask they don't feed her anything other than her own food without our prior authorization.

    You are paying them to take care of the most precious thing in your life. If you ask them to take her temp every other hour, they should abide, and jot it down on her daily report for you.

    I consider myself a "high-maintenance Mama" for the daycare. But I am paying them for a valuable service. It's my right.

    Sorry this is so long, but I can totally relate! Feel free to get in touch with me if you ever wanna chat, or vent, or anything. =)

    Take care hun!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this, I truly blessed me! I'm happy to report that Olivia has now gone two times- and LOVES it.

  2. Funny that my tweet about a similar feeling led me to your blog & this post. I so understand how you feel! My first child was a daycare baby from 4 months old. She was also petite, also articulate and sweet and sensitive, and also (eventually) at a facility that we had complete confidence in. But still... it's hard on a mama to leave her babies with someone else, even when we need/have to do it.

    My advice: Communicate openly with her teachers. Explain your concerns, your confidence in them, and your desire to see O thrive there with them. Surely they will respond in kind and help both of you adjust. Also, find out if they have a phone in her room & what their policy is on parents calling to check in. That may be something you can do at first - call once a day or when you're worried - to help ease your mind and make sure O is okay.

    Love your heart and the way you long to trust the Lord fully with your sweet baby girl. That is something I am learning too. Slowly.


  3. I love that you are giving it to God! That is awesome! Good luck and I know HE will help ease your worry!

    I am a new follower from Mommy Brain Mixer. Love for you to stop by Naptime Review when you get a chance and say hi ;)


  4. Awe, it's always hard when someone else is looking after your child. My husband and I recently left our boys (5 & 2) with a babysitter who wasn't family or family friend (ie: parents with their own kids who are our kids' ages) for the very first time. It was slightly stressful but nothing like what you're facing!

    Sounds like your daughter is doing well. Keep putting it in God's hands, no one can take care of her better than Him anyways (this is something I am still struggling to learn as well!)

  5. Oh I feel for you, that's such a tough situation! Stay stron and know that everything will be ok!:) Stopping by from the Mommy Brain Mixer blog hop and am now your newest follower:) Hope you can come check out Crazy Mama Drama !

  6. So upsetting, friend. Just know that your mommy instincts kicked in when you first picked the place, and she will be well cared-for! Being a mom is so difficult sometimes because of these types of situations! You've done the best you can... now trust that God will take care of your little girl. So glad you linked up to the Mixer yesterday!