a conscious shift...

 photo credit: Deborah C. Turner Photography

I have put a lot of thought into this, and I pray that you hear my heart- not just my words.

As you may or may not know, I attended an amazing conference back in October. It was life-giving, and personal-boundary-pushing, and soul-scrubbing. I loved it, I miss it, and I was forever changed by it.
To be honest, I'm still a little broken from it.
The things my soul heard, and my heart felt are still with me. And they changed the way I view things.

This blog, for instance. It has become a source of guilt, and stress. Not the feel good, inspirational, medium I had hoped for.

I'm a wife, and a mom, and I work outside the home. That's my reality. A reality that some times makes it difficult to post daily. So I post infrequently, and then I feel bad, and my mind thinks of at least 5 things that I could post. And I think to myself: "self, you should sit down and write these things, and schedule them for next week. Bam! One week worth of posts in one day, done." And sometimes, I do that. And other times Olivia has a melt down, or the dog won't stop barking, or the car breaks down and I'm not feeling very good, or inspirational. And really, who wants to read about that mess?

There are some big changes that will be happening in our home soon. And I'm feeling like this time of transition needs to seep into other areas of my life. (I've been doing a lot of thinking and feeling and talking to myself lately.)
My goals for this blog have changed. I have some exciting plans, all of which I want to share- but I feel like I need a fresh start.

So I'm working on a new space for us to meet.

I've been praying that the Lord would lead me in the right direction, and give me the words that need to be "said." I probably won't be posting on here, until our new spot is ready. I want it to be happy, and life-breathed, and filled to the brim with His goodness. I have a tentative goal for when I hope to have it ready for you. And when it is I'll let you know.

Until then, thank you for loving me well since I started this sweet little blog. Many of you have seen me through some pretty difficult times, and I have found some beautiful friendships in this blogging community.
See you soon, sweet girl.

as of late.

I'm planning Olivia's birthday party/dinner/day. Chance says there's not going to be a party- I say there is. We'll see who wins. She has requested a pink and blue Cinderella ballerina birthday party. Oy.

A few weeks ago I share with y'all that I met my older brother. He is wonderful. And so is his fiancée, Sunni. I met her at work yesterday for an alterations appointment. All this involvement has me a little nervous about the wedding. It will be the first time I have seen our father in almost 6 years.

I have re-discovered a love for powdered dough nuts and captain crunch. We can thank Olivia for that.

I think want to start freezer-cooking, and canning. And then I remember how many things I have on my plate. Yeah, that's probably not going to happen.

Olivia went back to "school" today. So blessed for sights like this one. A precious reminder of how truly sweet life is. Also, that back pack is just too cute.

In the last 2 weeks our community has lost 2 little boys around Olivia's age; one to cancer, one to an accidental shooting. It's so hard for me to imagine the pain that their families are going through. And makes me even more thankful for the sweet girl that's quietly playing with her dollies in my bedroom floor right now.

My grand-mother is moving back "home" to Tupelo, Mississippi. I'm sad, but excited for her. She's going to be near her brothers; and it gives me a perfect excuse to visit that sweet little town anytime I want.

I read through my notes from the 'Soul Detox' bible study I did with the #SheReadsTruth community last year. It's very interesting to see the shift in my perspective in this past year.

Influence Conference Get to Know You Questions... part 2

What was your favorite food when you were a child?
Spaghetti. Maybe because it was good.. maybe because we ate it at least once a week. 3 small girls, one income= momma cooked on a budget!

When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time?
Usually I check twitter, facebook, instagram, and pinterest. In that order. And repeat. 




Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best?
I left a full-time position because I didn't feel like it was a good fit for me, with no job to go to. Ended up not working for nearly 6 months. It was a much needed break. I had worked full time since I was 16, and had a job since I was 12. Those 6 months were full of uncertainty- but I was able to spend so much time with Olivia. But most importantly- I learned to fully depend on God. We went from 2 incomes to 1, hard for any family, at any time. So many times He was there, and provided in ways we never expected.
What is your favorite body part?
Awkward?  Umm, Chance likes my smile. Let's go with that one.

If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?
So far I'm liking 25 pretty well.   

Influence Conference Get to Know You Questions.. pt1

 One of my lovely room-mates for the conference had the great idea to host a "Get to know you series" and because I want to be a good roomie, and because she's really sweet (seriously y'all are going to love her), and because it really is a good idea I wanted to participate.

What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?
"I'm with you" by Amy Grant and Nichole Nordeman. It reminds me of my incredible best friend. It reminds me of this beautiful online community. It reminds me to truly "be with" the people in my life. It's a beautiful song. #2 is "Stand Up" by the Veggietales. So there's that too.

If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be?
Grace. Grace for myself, for my husband, and for others. Sometimes I get caught up in the doing and my obsessive need for tidiness (both literal and figurative), and forget that we are not all perfect. That we are broken. And in that brokenness He is made whole.

What story does your family always tell about you?
My word, there are tons. But the first one that comes to mind is my 5th birthday. I'll set the scene: I had asked for a pink and purple bicycle. I may or may not have been spoiled by my grandparents. I may or may not have acted like a spoiled brat. Anyway, after eating cake and opening a ton of presents I was told we needed to go to the back patio to see my last present. I wasn't a dim child so I knew what it was. (see also, spoiled brat) When the door opened, it was there. My brand new shiny, pink and green bike. I had a melt down. My uncle quickly swooped in and started asking me what my favorite colors were. As I listed them off one by one it happened. My beloved Uncle Barry had done it. He tricked me. I said green. Once I admitted (to myself as much as everyone else) that green was one of my favorite colors I was fine. And I loved my bike. That bike is still in a family members garage. There's another story about the day my sister Lindsay was born, it's really sweet, but totally not embarrassing. So I'll leave you with the bratty story and hope you still want to be my friend.

The best part of waking up is?
Waking Olivia up. She is always has such a big smile on her face when she wakes up and she's in such a good mood. I'll be holding tightly to those memories when she's 12 I'm sure.

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?
Time of day: bedtime. Hands down. Olivia and I don't listen to lullabies at bedtime, I play praise and worship songs. It's a beautiful combination. One of the things/people I am most thankful for in my life and my Jesus. It almost always amounts to my reduced to a puddle of tears.
Day of the week: Friday. Because I get to take Olivia to dance, and it's adorable.
Month of the year: December. I'm just so happy in December. All the decorating, and baking, and gift giving, and doing for others. It fills my cup.

things you should know.

I had thought about writing a post like this before. And then decided against it.
But after some thought I feel like my new friends that I'm going to be meeting at the upcoming Influence Conference deserve some warning. Y'all I'm a mess. Really. Consider this my public service announcement.

I'm Sarah, nicetomeetyou. If we were sitting on the sofa drinking coffee I'd probably hug you right about now. That brings me to my first bullet point:

• I'm a hugger. I hug. A lot. For those of you who have personal space issues- I'm sorry. If you're a fellow hugger- please seek me out and we will hug. 
• I'm southern. And it goes to the core. I'm loud, I say "y'all" a lot, and I call everyone sweetie, darlin', honey, or love. I'm also a very expressive person, and I talk with my hands.
• Like any good southern woman, I have big hair. I tease, and hairspray, and then tease it a little more.

•  I died laughing when Jessi talked about "the way we really look" during the simulcast. So let's get real here. I'm short. Like 5'2". And I'm hip-y. (see photo evidence above) Sister's got back. I wear high heels almost daily. They make me taller, and seem to balance the "proportions" a little bit better.
• I like to eat, and get cranky if I stay hungry too long. If I'm crabby- just shove a dough nut in my mouth and tell me to get over it. I'll be fine.
• I love, hard. I'm not one of those people who makes "surface" friendships. I just can't. I love, fiercely. And I'm loyal to a fault. Like a saint bernard- but worse. Not bad qualities to have in my book. 

 

,

• I feel my emotions whole-heartedly, and it shows. I'm not a person who can hide their emotions. Not even a little bit. Fair warning: I will cry through the vast majority of the worship service. I won't even pretend to be able to control it. I've already bought my tissues.
• This will be my first time to leave Olivia for any real length of time. I'm going to be a hot mess. Just keeping it real. I'm getting a little panic-y just thinking about it. 
• I'm a nerd. I have an odd obsession with office supplies. Pens, highlighters & planners are my love language. 
• I'm actually very shy. If you see me standing around, please feel free to come and chat. Odds are- I'd give anything to have the courage to just walk up and start a conversation. I just can't initiate it. But once we get past "Hey!" I'll be fine, and we'll be friends. 

I'm so looking forward to meeting each and every one of you. I just wish there was time for me to sit down and have a cup of coffee with all 200+ of you. See you in 11 days!!!!

so much...

So, so much has happened.
I hadn't intended to take a summer sabbatical of sorts; but life got hectic- and it just kind of happened.
It's been busy busy busy at our house. 

Since Olivia's diagnosis we have really been focusing on our little family. It has been an adjustment to say the least. Though we are eternally grateful that her condition is not serious and completely manageable, it is still tough to watch your child go through something like this. Thank you for continuing to keep our family in your prayers. We will forever be thankful for all of them.

Olivia started preschool and ballet. My heart has nearly exploded many times.
My best friend threw me a surprise birthday party.
Chance and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary.
And about a thousand other little things.

Writing posts on all those things today, and planning future posts. Lots of exciting things going on and coming up!!

10 ways to really love a momma...

Recently a dispute began between a close relative and myself.
I'm not happy about my part in it, but in my heart I know that I did what was in the best interest of my baby girl, and my family.  Nonetheless, the whole thing got me thinking of the ways someone (who does or doesn't have children themselves) can love a momma of small children. I think this should be in memo form, handed out to all who visit a friend or loved one in the postpartum wing. It should also be in made into a brochure and put in those little acrylic stands in the waiting room.

10 Ways to Really Love a Momma:

1. If you think about her text, tweet or instagram her. It might be just the encouragement she needs in the middle of a particularly difficult day. The other day when Olivia was sick, I was blessed beyond words by some women I'd never even met through their words of encouragement on instagram. They truly touched my heart.
2. Show her grace. If she can't meet you for lunch, cut her some slack. It's probably not because you aren't important to her- her babies are just more important. As a mom and wife, I dedicate my energy to my girl and my husband. If, after I have met all their needs, there is some Sarah left over- then and only then can I take time and energy from them. Sorry if that makes you mad some day. 
3. Make her a casserole; show up with coffee. This one's pretty simple. Sometimes a Momma is tired, and the last thing we want to do is cook.
4. Lend an ear.  Mommas are not immune to needing to talk; if anything we may need to do it more often. Letting your momma-friend talk to you and showing genuine care and concern for her will mean more than you can imagine.
5. Be kind. She's probably not feeling great about herself after having that baby. she may even have vomit in her hair with that sick toddler. (Heaven knows, I was a wreck this past week.) Compliment her anyway.
6. Offer to babysit. Again, pretty simple. Mommas a time out too.
7. Make an effort. If you want to see her, call her up and see if she's available. As a mom I find it hard to carve out time for myself to spend out of the house. 
8. Tell her you love her. When you become a mom your reality shifts. How you relate to people changes. It's important for her to know that you still love her.
9. Love her babies. Notice the little things, talk to them too, hug them. The quickest way to warm a Momma-heart is through her babies.
10. Pray for her and with her. That's all.

if you came over...

If you came over to my house today you'd see a sick little girl...

if you came over today you'd see a Momma-heart that's breaking...

if you came over today you'd see me camped out at Olivia's bedside...

if you came over today you'd see a family that is imparting more grace on me than I deserve...

if you came over today you'd see me getting caught up on my #shereadstruth bible study after a busy work week put me a little behind...

if you came over today you'd see a house that may or may not get cleaned before our big family get-together this weekend...

if you came over today you'd see that I'm in desperate need of a shower...

if you came over today you'd see that friends of the stuffed variety provide sweet comfort to a little girl...

if you came over today you'd see that I compulsively check Olivia's temperature, just to see if it's moved in the last 10 minutes...

and you'd have seen the 4 degree jump it made within a 15 minute period...

if you came over today you'd definitely see the pile of laundry that is causing me much embarrassment...

but mostly, if you came over today you'd see a Momma who is desperately praying for answers...

 and that her little girl would feel better...

and that He would cover her family with protection and peace...

and that that laundry pile would find a way to wash itself...

The first swim

No it's not her first time in the pool. But it was the the first time she swam on her own. I can't put into words the joy I felt. I thought my heart would explode with pride. Her little teeth were chattering, but she was so excited I had to pry her out of the pool. And out of those water wings too, for that matter.

Polka dot ruffled bikinis and Sonic drinks, does it get better?

Happiness is...

..talking about our favorite colors. And the favorite colors of everyone we know.
..planning for our Florida trip later this summer.
..early morning send offs with Daddy. Love watching our little girl give her Daddy his bye-bye's.
..Remembering to set the coffee maker last night so I was able to greet Chance with coffee this morning. Always makes me look like a rock star- even if my hair is sticking straight up and I have eyeliner smeared clear to my cheek bones.
..spontaneous prayers with Olivia. And her saying 'Good Job' after every prayer.
..getting the same amount of kisses this morning from Olivia as I did yesterday. Reminds me that her love is unconditional and doesn't care what day it is.
..Liv's hair is growing so fast- it's almost to her shoulder blades now. With just the right amount of curl. Seriously, so cute.
..planning a day trip to a splash park with our best friends.
..Charlotte's Web.
..our pool being almost ready. Getting excited!
..Livi's little voice singing along with her music. Be still my heart.
..being able to see past the day to day stresses of adult life to see joy. So grateful for the blessings in our lives. So grateful.

What are you grateful for today?

Relay for Life 2012

Tonight we celebrated 'Dee Dee' {my amazing mother-in-law,} we remembered those that we've lost and we fought for a cure. Such a bittersweet night for me. A night that brings back so many memories of those that have gone before, specifically my Paw Paw.
But we choose to live in joy and gratitude for the blessings that He has given us.

Olivia cheered and said "Yay Dee Dee" when Debbi went to receive her survivor medal. When Debbi started making her way back to our seats, Olivia took off after her. She was so proud of her Dee Dee- her little body just couldn't contain it! Sweet, sweet child.

Debbi {wearing her 'Team Dee Dee' shirt} starting her survivor's lap.

Debbi and her boys walking the care taker's lap.

Olivia 'walking' the caretaker's lap.

After we made our way around the track, we began our way from tent to tent. We had BBQ sandwiches from one, and Olivia got her face painted at another. She was so excited about her pink dragon fly. FYI- this lady had an awesome idea. For little ones, who tend to squirm a lot, she used foam stamps. One easy step- super cute result.  I'm not sure why I never thought of this, but it worked perfectly!

 

Olivia enjoyed popcorn, lots of 'prizes' that people just kept handing her left and right, and a balloon twisted into a flower. Oh that flower, I thought the world might stop when it popped. Luckily we had about 27 other goodies to distract her with.

Around 9:30 we finally called it a night and went home. Liv was so tired she barely made it through her bedtime prayers. She asked me to rock her to sleep, I don't even think it took 3 minutes. Sweet, sweet moments. Moments like this are what get me through the day to day of raising a head strong toddler.

It was a beautiful night and we are so thankful that we were able to celebrate life as a family.

...

Be still my heart.

10 things I'm loving today:

Pinterest Edition. 

Do you love Pinterest? You should. It's awesome, but a complete time-suck. I love it still. (As if the 3149 pins weren't proof enough)

Today- 10 things I'm loving from my most recent 'pins':

{source}

Gorgeous portrait of a momma and her little.

{source}

Can't wait to make this for our summer grill outs!

{source}

STOP it! I die of cuteness. Definitely making these!

{ugh. can't find the link for this one.}

This is what I will be wearing to the Cardinal's game this summer on our St. Louis vacation!

{source}

Someone please have a baby so I can make this heart garland.

{source}

Stunning.

{source}

Not a huge fan of the name, but I think I could probably eat my weight in them.

{source}

Appropriate for today.

{source}

I like the colors.

{source}

I love everything about this room.

I think that's ten.. off to pin more...

The view from here.

I'm declaring today a day of rest.

Much needed around here. As you may have {or maybe not?} I went back to work last week.

And boy, I forgot how tiring my job was.

I am exhausted.

Olivia rested much better last night.

I think we may have broken the fever for good.

It spiked to 104.1 Sunday and Monday {working on a post for that, coming soon}

So for now, this is where I can be found.

In my bed,

with Olivia,

resting.

P.S.

I'm going to try {yet again} to complete those precious photo-a-day challenge this month.

I'm sure everyone's seen the one I'll be following.

I plan to do a weekly post, on Sunday's maybe?

I really think these are a great way to document the everyday. Sure, I take tons of pictures of Olivia, but following these prompts helps me to capture the world around us right now.

P.S.S.

Speaking of documenting life.

Thanks to a handy Shutterfly coupon I finally finished a little photo book with some of my Project Life 2011 photos.

I didn't use all of them, I wanted something small that I could carry with me.

I think I'm going to make one for Olivia.

She's really enjoying looking at pictures now, and she loves books.

Click here to look at the entire book.

Tired.

I.am.so.tired.

Going back to work has left me with little energy;

and whatever energy I was able to summon was gone the minute I stepped through the front door.

Olivia has been fighting off a cold {I think} for about a week now. She developed a fever last night while she was staying the night with my mom.

I called Chance on my way home and I could hear that sweet girl crying for me in the background.

That, for me, is the most heartbreaking thing about going back to work.

I so enjoyed my time at home with her {and truly have enjoyed being back at work}

but when I hear her cry for me, it's so hard to remember all the reasons I went back to work to begin with.

So that's where I am.

Stuck between utter exhaustion

and heartbreak.

Searching for a happy medium for everyone.

Update on our friend Sevy..

Sevy has made what can only be called a miraculous recovery. The doctors say that there is no medical explanation for his current condition. I don't need a medical explanation. I know exactly Who healed him. It has been so wonderful to watch our entire community come together to rally around Sevy. He (& the Lord) have truly changed the heart of our city. So many businesses have hosted events to benefit him, and even more people have given time and money.

Friday night Chance and I attended a benefit hosted by one such business and had a wonderful time. Chance's best friend is the lead singer of a band and they drove all the way from Lexington, KY to come play that night. Here's a video of a duet he did with another local celebrity (Jennifer Fox- she is ah-may-zing.. packed house every time she plays)

(If you stick around to the end, you can spot Chance and I in the background at the 5:16 mark.)

At last update, Sevy had been moved from ICU to a regular room, and was sitting up in a chair cracking jokes. All this just a week after we were told he had a 10% chance of surviving. 

God is so good!

1.3.2012

Sister Sue is still not feeling well.

Poor baby girl.

We went to the doctor today.

Got a third round of antibiotics.

Hope they work this time.

My brain isn't exactly working today.

So I'll leave you with a few pictures taken while we waited on the doctor.

Be back soon...

A new year .. a new me.

I don't do resolutions. I think that's just setting myself up to fail. Year after year I lose motivation around January 15th. So this year I'm not making resolutions- just stating things that I hope to do. If they happen great, if not - I've always got 2013 to look forward to. {unless those crazy people are right and the would really ends in 2012.} The last one cracks me up, but I really want to! I think it'd be hilarious!!

Here's my list: