5 ways I'm not enough...

I've been reading Hope for the Weary Mom lately. Because lately I've been feeling very worn, and very weary.

Chapter 2 is appropriately titled, "When your weakness is all you can see."
And y'all, lately I've been seeing a lot of weakness.

I haven't been the best version of myself lately.
I've been cranky, and short, and impatient.
As the song says, my heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing.

I downloaded this book last October when it was free on amazon, but just never got around to starting it. Probably because of the 4,953 other things I did start. I finally started it a few weeks ago during a particularly weary bedtime. 
I hadn't made it very far into the book before I started nodding my head in agreement, and out came the highlighter and the notes-in-the-margins.

One theme that kept speaking to me was that I didn't have to get it all right.
It was OK if Olivia left the house with no bow (gasp.)
It was OK if my family was fed cereal for dinner 2 nights in one week.
It was OK if I failed every now and then.
I don't know about you- but I take great comfort in the knowledge that our Heavenly Father doesn't give a hoot if Olivia's birthday party is perfectly planned, complete with pinterest-worthy photography.
And if I'm being completely honest with myself, neither does Olivia.

Between play dates and pinterest we are surrounded by the delusion that every one is better at everything than we are. (Oh how I hate/love pinterest.)
I'm tired of it all, and I'm ready to wave the proverbial white flag.
I'm ready to say that it's OK to be weak, because in that weakness He is make strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

As I read through chapter 2, I felt something begin to shift. Perhaps my arm, raising that flag.
The chapter concluded with study questions. One of them challenged me to list 5 ways that I am not enough. Part of me cringed.
So many answers, but which ones did I want to own up to with pen and paper.
That's so permanent, so "out-there."

I finally talked myself down and clumsily jotted down 5 things.
Each more convicting than the last.

1. I HATE doing dishes. (yes, all-caps/italics/and underlining was necessary)

"That wasn't so bad. I can do this."

2. I loose my temper way to often.

"That stung a little."

3. I don't rely on Him enough.

"Um. I'm getting better, though."

4. I see the 'bad' much more than I see the 'blessings.'

"I should pray about that. (see- better at #3 already!)"

5. I sit in judgment of Chance and his relationship with Olivia.

"I think I've been sucker punched in the gut."

I'm pretty sure that last one is the one He really wanted me to see in print. Though they are all true, and are all sin, and all require repentance. 
I've since found myself recognizing short-comings in a different light.
Recognizing and admitting these things daily.
Praying about them and reminding myself that it's OK to not be a perfect mix of Martha Stewart and Beth Moore.
I can just be Sarah.
Flawed, but loved by her Creator.

an un-resolution resolution

All this fuss over new year's resolutions has me thinking, do we have to do everything?
Do I have to do everything?
These questions have been heavy on my heart lately.

I'm a do-er by nature.
A non-stop work full-time, do the laundry, cook the dinner, rock the baby.... do-it-all-er.
Problem?

I'm coming to find that I can do all of these things- but it's hard to do all of them whole-heartedly.
To quote a very smart woman "the Lord really wants me to do a few things well, instead of a lot of things without heart or passion."

In reflection I'm finding that I've been doing many things without the heart or passion that is deserved.
And this unintentional neglect has left many relationships running a little ragged and my laundry pile higher than I care to admit.

As a daughter of Christ my highest calling is to live by Him, yet I find that I'm increasingly guilty of living by my to-do list. Sitting here in my bed I count no less than 12 books within reach about "being a good mother," about "doing it right." There's a planner on my nightstand filled to the brim with appointments and obligations.

There's also a picture from last Easter of my sweet little family. An ever-present reminder of what I'm called to do best. Of who He has called me to love well.

This year I'm not making resolutions. Sure, I want to be healthy. I'd love to nail down a laundry system that really works for our family.  And I'd probably throw a party if I got Olivia to sleep in her bed through the night on a consistent basis. But what I want most is to wait, listen and follow. Not 3 things that I always do well.
I want to hush the lists, and uncertainty. To follow the Voice in my heart calling me to be who He has designed me to be. Because I'm pretty sure He's not going to be too worried about my to do list when I stand before Him. And I don't want to fall short on the things He has called me to.

Influence Conference Get to Know You Questions... part 2

What was your favorite food when you were a child?
Spaghetti. Maybe because it was good.. maybe because we ate it at least once a week. 3 small girls, one income= momma cooked on a budget!

When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time?
Usually I check twitter, facebook, instagram, and pinterest. In that order. And repeat. 




Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best?
I left a full-time position because I didn't feel like it was a good fit for me, with no job to go to. Ended up not working for nearly 6 months. It was a much needed break. I had worked full time since I was 16, and had a job since I was 12. Those 6 months were full of uncertainty- but I was able to spend so much time with Olivia. But most importantly- I learned to fully depend on God. We went from 2 incomes to 1, hard for any family, at any time. So many times He was there, and provided in ways we never expected.
What is your favorite body part?
Awkward?  Umm, Chance likes my smile. Let's go with that one.

If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?
So far I'm liking 25 pretty well.   

Influence Conference Get to Know You Questions.. pt1

 One of my lovely room-mates for the conference had the great idea to host a "Get to know you series" and because I want to be a good roomie, and because she's really sweet (seriously y'all are going to love her), and because it really is a good idea I wanted to participate.

What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?
"I'm with you" by Amy Grant and Nichole Nordeman. It reminds me of my incredible best friend. It reminds me of this beautiful online community. It reminds me to truly "be with" the people in my life. It's a beautiful song. #2 is "Stand Up" by the Veggietales. So there's that too.

If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be?
Grace. Grace for myself, for my husband, and for others. Sometimes I get caught up in the doing and my obsessive need for tidiness (both literal and figurative), and forget that we are not all perfect. That we are broken. And in that brokenness He is made whole.

What story does your family always tell about you?
My word, there are tons. But the first one that comes to mind is my 5th birthday. I'll set the scene: I had asked for a pink and purple bicycle. I may or may not have been spoiled by my grandparents. I may or may not have acted like a spoiled brat. Anyway, after eating cake and opening a ton of presents I was told we needed to go to the back patio to see my last present. I wasn't a dim child so I knew what it was. (see also, spoiled brat) When the door opened, it was there. My brand new shiny, pink and green bike. I had a melt down. My uncle quickly swooped in and started asking me what my favorite colors were. As I listed them off one by one it happened. My beloved Uncle Barry had done it. He tricked me. I said green. Once I admitted (to myself as much as everyone else) that green was one of my favorite colors I was fine. And I loved my bike. That bike is still in a family members garage. There's another story about the day my sister Lindsay was born, it's really sweet, but totally not embarrassing. So I'll leave you with the bratty story and hope you still want to be my friend.

The best part of waking up is?
Waking Olivia up. She is always has such a big smile on her face when she wakes up and she's in such a good mood. I'll be holding tightly to those memories when she's 12 I'm sure.

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?
Time of day: bedtime. Hands down. Olivia and I don't listen to lullabies at bedtime, I play praise and worship songs. It's a beautiful combination. One of the things/people I am most thankful for in my life and my Jesus. It almost always amounts to my reduced to a puddle of tears.
Day of the week: Friday. Because I get to take Olivia to dance, and it's adorable.
Month of the year: December. I'm just so happy in December. All the decorating, and baking, and gift giving, and doing for others. It fills my cup.

things you should know.

I had thought about writing a post like this before. And then decided against it.
But after some thought I feel like my new friends that I'm going to be meeting at the upcoming Influence Conference deserve some warning. Y'all I'm a mess. Really. Consider this my public service announcement.

I'm Sarah, nicetomeetyou. If we were sitting on the sofa drinking coffee I'd probably hug you right about now. That brings me to my first bullet point:

• I'm a hugger. I hug. A lot. For those of you who have personal space issues- I'm sorry. If you're a fellow hugger- please seek me out and we will hug. 
• I'm southern. And it goes to the core. I'm loud, I say "y'all" a lot, and I call everyone sweetie, darlin', honey, or love. I'm also a very expressive person, and I talk with my hands.
• Like any good southern woman, I have big hair. I tease, and hairspray, and then tease it a little more.

•  I died laughing when Jessi talked about "the way we really look" during the simulcast. So let's get real here. I'm short. Like 5'2". And I'm hip-y. (see photo evidence above) Sister's got back. I wear high heels almost daily. They make me taller, and seem to balance the "proportions" a little bit better.
• I like to eat, and get cranky if I stay hungry too long. If I'm crabby- just shove a dough nut in my mouth and tell me to get over it. I'll be fine.
• I love, hard. I'm not one of those people who makes "surface" friendships. I just can't. I love, fiercely. And I'm loyal to a fault. Like a saint bernard- but worse. Not bad qualities to have in my book. 

 

,

• I feel my emotions whole-heartedly, and it shows. I'm not a person who can hide their emotions. Not even a little bit. Fair warning: I will cry through the vast majority of the worship service. I won't even pretend to be able to control it. I've already bought my tissues.
• This will be my first time to leave Olivia for any real length of time. I'm going to be a hot mess. Just keeping it real. I'm getting a little panic-y just thinking about it. 
• I'm a nerd. I have an odd obsession with office supplies. Pens, highlighters & planners are my love language. 
• I'm actually very shy. If you see me standing around, please feel free to come and chat. Odds are- I'd give anything to have the courage to just walk up and start a conversation. I just can't initiate it. But once we get past "Hey!" I'll be fine, and we'll be friends. 

I'm so looking forward to meeting each and every one of you. I just wish there was time for me to sit down and have a cup of coffee with all 200+ of you. See you in 11 days!!!!

the one where I pour our my heart in thanks... for social media.

During Olivia's last fever episode I posted this picture on instagram:

Several women commented on the picture, and prayed with us for Olivia. {Thank You.}
As I've said before, the twitter and instagram communities have been good to me. They have loved me well.
One particular commenter was Becky. Such a sweet lady, with a sweeter heart. She left this: "They went to Vanderbilt and she was diagnosed." Hold the phone. There was a momma out there, with a baby with similar conditions, that went to the same hospital we're going to, that.was.diagnosed. A spark of hope. Hope that we won't hear the V-word, virus. That was a huge blessing in and of itself.

As you can see- Becky so sweetly texted her friend, Marisha, to find out what the diagnosis was.
This girl was seriously blessing my heart.
We emailed back and forth a bit, and then she gave me Marisha's email address. My hearts almost burst with gratitude.
I emailed Marisha, her response was simple- she thought it would be easier to explain over the phone. We were finally able to connect last night. Y'all, she is amazing!
She explained her daughter's history, her diagnosis/treatment and a little bit about their experience at Vanderbilt. Hearing her description of her daughter's episodes was like listening to a recording of myself. So surreal. But wonderful to know that I'm not the only mother watching her child go through this. She calmed any anxieties I had, and all but confirmed my suspicion that Olivia does, indeed, have Periodic Fever Syndrome. She told me how wonderful the staff at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital is and how they had (and continue to have) a great experience. Seriously in that 30 minute conversation, she blessed my socks off.

My point in all of this is two-fold:
1. Praise God for this phone call. That has completely re-shaped my outlook on next Thursday. Praise God for Becky, and for Marisha. Two incredibly sweet ladies, who've shown me the love of Jesus in this season.
2. The internet/blogs/twitter/instagram, social media in general, is not just a place to go and chat it up. It's not a time killer, and it's certainly not pointless. God is using these avenues to reach people, and we should be too. Goodness knows that the enemy is. The garbage that's out there is dizzying. It's coming at us from every angle. But that doesn't mean that social media is bad. We can choose how we use this outlet. Because of twitter, instagram, and more specifically- the She Reads Truth devotionals I was brought to these 2 women and through a series of small actions I was given a sense of peace about Olivia's health that I haven't known since last fall. So next time you see a tweet about someone not feeling well, or going through a trial- take time to respond with encouraging words. And when you see someone on the mountain top- praise God with them for His blessings. He is the same God in the valley that He is on the mountain top.

*** HUGE thanks to Becky and Marisha- you two have blessed my heart beyond words, and I love both of you for it.

That time I did a devotional online...

64 days ago I joined a group of lovely ladies who were doing a devotional together using the YouVersion Bible Application.

 

I detoxed, then I surrendered, and now I'm praying.
These devotionals have been such a blessing to me. Just like I knew they would be. They have held me accountable for reading His word everyday. Something I've never been consistent in. They have revealed many truths about myself and my life, and taught me some invaluable lessons. I'm so grateful for these things.
But I'm most grateful for the not so obvious way it is changing me. The way He is changing me.
I've said before that I struggle with community. The whole letting people in, and reaching out thing is hard for me. Like crazy hard. I want to make friends, but I'm paralyzed by fear of rejection and judgment.
This community is helping me to work through that. It's easier to comment on a picture, tweet, or a blog post from behind a computer screen. A lot easier. That fear is lessened a bit by the anonymity of the internet. I've 'chatted' more openly with women in the last 64 days than I ever have. These women have become a huge support system. When I was having a tough day, Kayse sent me words of encouragement. When Olivia was sick, countless women prayed. {Thank You from the bottom of my heart- we are due for another episode next week, so let's keep praying for health} When Olivia went to day care for the first time, Amanda blessed my heart and nearly brought me to tears.
And in returning His goodness, I selflessly have prayed with and for people I only know through my computer screen. It has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. There is no greater way to say 'I love you' than to pray for someone.

The Lord has opened my eyes to so many women. Women that have amazing hearts for God, women who are hurting, women who are on the mountain top. They are all bringing Him glory and I want to hug them all around the neck and hold their hand as we pray and praise together. Seriously y'all, I wish we could sit down with each other with our hearts and coffee cups full.
If you have reached out to me I want to thank you. You have no idea how much easier that has made all of this for me; truly, you were Jesus to me and I praise Him for you. Thank you, friend.


**if you have no idea what I'm talking about hop over to the She Reads Truth website and click the "What?" link under the header. It explains how this all got started and how to jump in to the studies.
Seriously, do it- I promise you won't regret it.

what a playdate taught me about life...

{Olivia and her best-friend}

It's funny isn't it? How we're supposed to be the one's teaching them; yet more often than not- God uses them to teach us invaluable truths??

That's exactly what happened to me a couple of weeks ago.  It was a low-key day. I think it was a Thursday. We had a morning play date planned with 2 of our besties. Normally I'm that mom. You know the one. The mom who always has her hair fixed and face on. The mom that insists on my and Olivia's outfits being just.so. Only a handful of people have ever seen me without make up.

Photo proof: This picture is from March 23, 2010- and I just happen to be delivering a baby at this exact moment. 

I don't mean to sound braggy- do I sound braggy? I have a point I promise. Stick with me.

Anyway, back to the play date...

Make up and hair don't hold up so well on a 90 degree day in June spent pool side. So, I didn't do my make up. Not even the eyeliner.  And I sloppily threw my and Olivia's hair up in a "bun." And you know what? It didn't make a bit of difference. Olivia still had a blast and I still got to spend some QT with a dear dear friend. And no one cared that my complexion isn't flawless, and that I had a few hairs out of place. 

The important thing was that I was there. Living my life, right where I was. Because as James 4:14 says:  

"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog- it's here for a little while, then it's gone."

I'm learning that things don't have to be perfect to glorify Him. The Lord does not call me to be the best dressed mommy {thank goodness.} He does not call me to spend time in the bathroom, fretting over those "baby bangs." However, He does call me to be present in my life. And to be the kind momma, wife and friend that shows His love to those around me. 

Olivia just turned 27 mo. last Saturday. Friends, I have blinked and my 6lb 14oz baby girl is a laughing, running, talking, potty-trained toddler. Her first year I worked way too much, and missed even more. I can't bare to let even another moment go without praise. He has blessed me more than I could ever deserve. And that morning fog? I can feel it fading a little bit every day.

Update: 25 before 25

Last August I shared a list of things that I wanted to do before I turned 25, a bucket list of sorts.
My 25 before 25. And then I updated it here in January.

I've got 2.5 months left until I turn 25. 104 days.
So I thought I'd do a little update. Things in blue probably won't happen. Things in yellow, they may. Things in green- I'm determined.


Sell something that I made.
Shop the 400 mile yard sale with my Gran. - but I will shop at other yard sales with her. Love them!

Take Olivia to the Memphis Zoo {where Chance and I got engaged.}

Visit Maria again in Springfield, TN. {By myself} - well kind of, she went with me to (in)RL.
Visit Nikki in Lexington, VA. {With Olivia}
Visit Ashley in Newport News, VA {By myself}

Visit my family in Texas. - My Uncle Barry came to town and Olivia got to meet him, so that was a happy compromise for me.

Visit my family in South Carolina. - I did get to visit with them when they came here!

Finish our house.

Get a new car.

Finish Olivia's quilt.

Re-finish a piece of furniture.

Take Olivia to the St. Louis zoo again.
Take Olivia to Mommy and Me gymnastics classes. - she's going in the fall. {Right Dana?!}
See Beth Moore speak in person. - I didn't do this, but I did get to meet Angie Smith in person, which is a pretty big deal to me.

Finish "1,000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp

Run a 5K.

Actually celebrate our 5 year anniversary with Chance.

Have a yard sale.

Host a sew day to benefit ConKerr Cancer.

Get a massage. - I'm ashamed to say that I've already allowed one spa gift certificate to expire. It won't happen again!
Make a quilt for Lindsay's baby. - as you can read here, Wyatt was born on January 11th. Thus, putting me way behind on this one.

Finish Olivia's baby book.

Take and edit Kelsey's senior pictures. - she graduates on May 25th. Ugh. So sorry Kels.

Complete the "Night Light" devotional with Chance.

I've accepted that some of these things simply aren't going to happen. With a busy, busy 2 year old and me going back to work full-time it is a constant battle to keep from drowning in all the laundry, scheduling and day to day doing. I've had to say no to a few things. Some of them I really didn't want to say no to, but I'm a better Mommy and wife for having done it.

Communtiy

photo credit: Jessica Turner

This past weekend is quickly climbing the chart of the best weekends of 2012. I wasn't sure at first how it would go, but so glad I made the leap to attend the (in)RL conference in Nashville with a sweet friend. 

I was so nice to get to visit with Maria on the way to Nashville. It's been too long since we talked at length about life. There are few friends in my life who truly celebrate this season of life with me. So thankful to have them. Hanging with Maria was a no-brainer. Stepping out of my comfort zone and walking into a room full of 40+ women- another issue entirely.

Like I said in this post I've got some scars. I still struggle with community, with reaching out and opening up to people. I'm often mistaken for a 'snob' because it is so hard for me to talk to people.. the truth- I'm painfully shy. I petrified of rejection. So this weekend I was nervous. OK let's be honest. Y'all- I was down right scared.

Broken hearts, they break easy. But He has the power to heal.

Jessica, Angie, and Annie hosted at Cross Point. And it was wonderful. So many sweet women, breathtaking videos and wonderful community. And my word, who ever brought that puppy chow- it was off the charts. I got to chat for a minute with Angie. And let me tell you, she's even prettier and sweeter in person. I may or may not have cried.  I wonder if anyone else cried when they met her for the first time? Hmph.

This weekend was so much more than watching videos and eating good food. For me- it was taking a few of those bricks away from the wall surrounding my heart. I love how Holley said in one of the videos that (paraphrasing here) she had built a wall around herself and then wondered why she was the only on in there. She took the words right out of my mouth. I have long struggled with making friends, because it is so difficult for me to let people in. But I'm seeing progress. He is working on my heart, and I am happier for it. 

To the ladies that were so sweet to me on Saturday, thank you. (That's you Nicole, Sarah, Tonya, and April. Y'all were the best table-mates a girl could ask for.)

Sweet friends, if you are struggling to mend the shattered pieces of your heart all by yourself- it is my prayer for you that you gain the courage to reach out. And that the Great Physician will heal you. Because, after all, He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Denim Day 2012

Few people in my life know that I am a survivor of sexual violence. There- I said it.
I don't talk about it very often. Partly because I don't like to re-visit that time of my life; and partly because I don't feel like it defines me. I've been very blessed in my life to have been surrounded by a few very supportive people who I owe much of my sanity to. These people have shown me the kind of understanding that can only come from Him, and have loved me well. I can honestly say that I have been very lucky to have 'overcome' that period of time. Sure- there are times when I think about it; but I have closure.

Closure is something that I pray all victims of sexual violence attain some day. Sadly, I know first hand that many victims never see the light at the end of that very long and dark tunnel. So, naturally, raising awareness for sexual violence prevention is a cause near and dear to my heart. Wednesday, April 25th, is the 13th Annual Denim Day in LA. Denim Day is a sexual violence prevention and education campaign to increase awareness about sexual violence, prevention and available resources for sexual violence survivors.

We have a choice.

I have shared very little about my life before I became an adult. Mainly because it's just not something I usually talk about. A good portion of my childhood was, for all intents and purposes, happy. There were some difficult times. But there were some dark times as well. Very dark.

{via}

A child's upbringing has a huge impact on the person they grow to be; but I do not believe it to be the deciding factor. I believe that as an adult, the damaged child has a unique opportunity. Simply put:

We have a choice.

That realization was both terrifying and thrilling for me. For once I had the upper hand, the ball was in my court. Yet for several years I was emotionally paralyzed. I was so afraid to make the wrong choice; to take the wrong path. {and believe me- I traveled it a time or two.} I was 14 when I fully understood that my life was my responsibility. It was up to me to be successful, happy, & healthy. That was the scary part. But I was so gratified in that knowledge. In my short 14 years I had seen so much chaos, and I was now able to walk away from it. I didn't have to live like that anymore. I could step out of the shadows, figuratively speaking.

That is when my faith got real. I clung to Isaiah 41:13..


For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Y'all, that is powerful stuff.  He was there, holding my hand. But most importantly- I wasn't alone. Ever.

Friend, if you are going through a season in your life where there is more darkness than light, it is my prayer for you that you gain a very real understanding of Isaiah 41:13. Because He is holding your right hand and you do not have to fear.

A new year .. a new me.

I don't do resolutions. I think that's just setting myself up to fail. Year after year I lose motivation around January 15th. So this year I'm not making resolutions- just stating things that I hope to do. If they happen great, if not - I've always got 2013 to look forward to. {unless those crazy people are right and the would really ends in 2012.} The last one cracks me up, but I really want to! I think it'd be hilarious!!

Here's my list:

I ♥ savings!

If you know me, you know I love to save money.
Sales, consignment shops, yard sales and coupons make me giddy.
I'm also the kind of girl who shares a good thing when she finds it.

Yesterday I popped into a local consignment shop.
I stop into this particular store about once a week- but yesterday was my best haul to date!

For me:

Yellow Bloomingdales 100% Cashmere Sweater 

Estimated full retail value: $150.00

Original in-store price: $9.00

Store promotion: 50 % off

Final price: $4.50

Orange Stripe Sweater from The Limited

Estimated full retail value: $50.00

Original in-store price: $9.00

Store promotion: 50% off

Final price: $4.50

For Olivia:

Children's Place Footed Pajamas {she so slept in them last night.}

Estimated full retail value: $15.00

Original in-store price: $4.00

Store promotion: 50% off

Final price: $2.00

Navy and White Stripe Old Navy Long Sleeve Tee

Estimated full retail value: $10.00

Original in-store price: $3.00

Store promotion: 50% off

Final price: $3.00

Grey Hoodie with Flower Applique

Estimated full retail value: $15.00

Original in-store price: $3.00

Store promotion: none :( but still a great price!

Final price: $3.00

Red with Silver Polka Dot Long Sleeve Tee

Estimated full retail value: $10.00

Original in-store price: $3.00

Store promotion: 80% off

Final price: $0.60

Clifford the Big Red Dog Stuffed Animal - not pictured, he was in the washing machine.

Estimated full retail value: $60.00 {still for sale on amazon!}

Original in-store price: $5.00

Store promotion: 50% off

Final price: $2.50

Score of the day: Tommy Hilfiger Floral Twin Sized Comforter

Estimated full retail value: $175.00

Original in-store price: $10.00

Store promotion: 50% off

Final price: $5.00

Total estimated full retail value of entire purchase: $425.00

Actual purchase price: $25.10 + tax

That's an estimated 94% discount! Woo Hoo.

Lesson of the day. Never- ever pay full retail for anything.

 

I want to pee alone.

 

 {via}

When I first saw this card on Pinterest I thought it was funny.

True- but funny.

Then this morning in the shower {curtain half-open, Olivia throwing things into the shower with me} I thought to myself, "It sure would be nice if I could shower alone."

Then a little voice, aka the Spirit, popped into my head.

"This is life. Here. Now."

Then my thoughts went back to this card.

It's true, I used to want "everything."

But now my definition of "everything" is quite different.

"Everything" used to be a career, a house, etc. Wordly things.

Now "everything" is caring for my family, holding hands with my sweet girl, tender moments at bed time.

I wonder why, to the world, those things are menial.

Why is it that so many people are so focused on the "what" and the "where" that they leave little room in their hearts for the "who.'

I pray I never lose track of the "who" in my life.